When the World Feels Unsafe: How Anxiety Impacts Our Bodies, Our Relationships, and Our Pleasure

There’s something many of us don’t talk about enough: how deeply the sense of safety, or lack of it, shapes our bodies, our pleasure, and our relationships.

If you’ve ever felt like your mind is spinning, your heart is pounding, and your body is stuck in fight, flight, or freeze, you’re not alone. When we feel unsafe, whether from personal stress, relational conflict, or a deeper systemic fear; our nervous systems stay on high alert. And when you’re constantly scanning for danger, pleasure is usually the first thing to go.

I see this all the time in my work as a sex therapist in Oklahoma. Clients come in wondering why they feel disconnected from their desire, from their partners, or even from themselves. The answer often begins with safety.

What Makes Us Feel Unsafe?

Sometimes it’s personal: a stressful work environment, a conflict with your partner, parenting burnout, financial worries. But often, it’s much bigger.

If you live within marginalized identities, LGBTQ+, a person of color, person with a disability, or another community that faces systemic oppression. Your body may hold a constant sense of danger. The world can feel like it was never built for you. This isn’t in your head; it is a reality.

Systems, policies, discrimination, and social exclusion reinforce that you are not safe, and your nervous system responds accordingly. It’s exhausting.

Why Pleasure Feels Impossible When You’re Anxious

Your nervous system cannot easily distinguish between “this is personal” and “this is structural.” It just feels the danger. And in that state, things like desire, connection, or sexual pleasure get shut down.

It makes sense: the body is trying to survive, not to thrive. When you’re on guard, you’re not exactly daydreaming about slow Sunday mornings under the sheets.

How Can You Find Anchors?

Here’s what I encourage you to explore:

• What steadies you?

• What brings a sense of certainty, even in a chaotic world?

• What is yours that no one can take away?

It could be your own bed, a predictable routine, chosen family or friends, a comforting meal, a cup of coffee in the sunshine, a therapist who really sees you. These anchors can be simple, but they help your nervous system begin to soften.

How EMDR Can Help

If you’ve experienced trauma, whether systemic or personal, you may find your nervous system feels permanently on edge. EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be a powerful tool to address these stuck trauma responses.

In my practice as an Oklahoma therapist specializing in EMDR and sex therapy, I’ve seen how EMDR can help reprocess past experiences, releasing the nervous system from its constant state of threat. Clients report feeling more connected to their bodies, their pleasure, and their partners as they heal.

A Final Thought

If you notice that pleasure feels impossible, if you feel cut off from yourself or your relationships, I want you to know it’s not a personal failure. It is a very human and very understandable, nervous system response to a world that is not always safe.

As you move through your week, I encourage you to name those places of certainty, and nurture them. Little by little, safety builds. And from that place, connection, pleasure, and healing can grow.

If you’d like support on this journey, or want to learn more about EMDR or sex therapy in Oklahoma, you’re welcome to reach out. I’m here.