Understanding Desire, Intimacy & Connection
Understanding your relationship with desire, intimacy, pleasure, and connection.
Sexual concerns are often about much more than sex. Stress, relationships, trauma, life transitions, body image, emotional wellbeing, and past experiences can all impact desire and intimacy. Therapy can help you better understand these influences and reconnect with yourself and your relationships.
I offer both in-person and virtual appointments throughout Oklahoma
My Approach
As a Licensed Professional Counselor and Certified Sex Therapist, I take a trauma-informed and affirming approach to sexual wellness.
My work integrates:
Sex therapy
Attachment-focused therapy
EMDR-informed treatment
Mindfulness
Nervous system awareness
Compassionate self-understanding
Rather than focusing on performance or quick fixes, we work to understand the factors influencing your experience and identify meaningful pathways forward.
You're Not Broken
Many people assume that changes in desire mean something is wrong with them or their relationship.
Often, low desire is not the problem itself, it's a signal.
Desire can be influenced by:
Stress and burnout
Anxiety and depression
Relationship dynamics
Parenting demands
Trauma history
Hormonal changes
Body image concerns
Shame and sexual messaging
Emotional disconnection
Understanding what may be contributing to your experience is often the first step toward change.
Common Reasons People Seek Sex Therapy:
Low Desire
You may notice:
little interest in sex
feeling disconnected from desire
difficulty initiating intimacy
guilt or frustration about changes in libido
Desire Discrepancies
You and your partner may have different levels of desire, creating conflict, pressure, or misunderstanding.
Sexual Shame
Many people carry messages about sex that continue to impact intimacy long into adulthood.
Body Image
When we feel disconnected from our bodies, it can be difficult to feel present, comfortable, or connected during intimacy.
Communication
Sex can be one of the hardest topics to discuss, even in loving relationships.
What We May Explore Together
Your relationship with desire
Stress and nervous system functioning
Sexual beliefs and messaging
Relationship dynamics
Emotional safety
Attachment patterns
Pleasure and embodiment
Communication around intimacy
Body image
Shame and self-judgment
Understanding Desire
Many of us grow up with the idea that desire should appear spontaneously, that we should simply feel interested in sex, become aroused, and want intimacy without effort or intention.
For some people, this is true.
This is often referred to as spontaneous desire, where interest in sex seems to emerge naturally and without a specific trigger.
However, spontaneous desire is only one way that desire can occur.
Many people experience what is known as responsive desire.
Responsive desire develops in response to emotional connection, affection, physical touch, novelty, pleasure, or a sense of safety and presence. Rather than appearing before intimacy begins, desire may emerge during connection.
This is particularly common in long-term relationships, during periods of stress, while parenting young children, after major life transitions, or when navigating anxiety, depression, or burnout.
Responsive desire is not "less than" spontaneous desire.
It is simply a different pathway to desire.
When people expect spontaneous desire but naturally experience responsive desire, they often assume something is wrong with them or their relationship. In reality, understanding how desire works can reduce shame and create opportunities for greater connection, communication, and self-compassion.
FAQ
Is it normal for desire to change over time?
Yes. Desire naturally fluctuates throughout life and may be influenced by stress, relationships, parenting, health concerns, hormones, life transitions, and emotional wellbeing.
What is the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire?
Spontaneous desire tends to arise without a specific trigger, while responsive desire develops in response to connection, touch, pleasure, safety, or intimacy. Both experiences are normal and healthy.
Why don't I want sex anymore?
There is rarely a single explanation. Low desire may be influenced by emotional, relational, psychological, medical, hormonal, or lifestyle factors. Therapy can help identify what may be contributing to your experience.
Can therapy help increase desire?
Therapy can help identify barriers to desire, reduce shame, improve communication, increase emotional awareness, and create conditions that support greater connection and intimacy.
Is something wrong with my relationship if our desire levels are different?
Not necessarily. Desire discrepancies are common in relationships. The goal is often not to make partners identical, but to better understand one another and create a more collaborative approach to intimacy.
Do you work with LGBTQIA+ individuals and relationships?
Yes. I provide affirming and inclusive therapy for individuals of all sexual orientations, gender identities, and relationship structures.